this one is for the bad boys, the good boys, and the men

Dear men, (ladies, you're welcome to read this one too)

      First off, I want to apologize on behalf of us girls for labeling all you males as "all guys are the same". The thing is, us girls have been continuously hurt by you guys. The bad boys tell us that were beautiful, that they will never hurt us; they say things like "I love you" or "you're the only girl". These boys spoil us and make us feel so loved, so wanted; like we're the luckiest girl in the world, yet somehow we're left broken-hearted... again and again and again. Then there's the good boys (so we've been told) who tell us that were beautiful, that they will never hurt us; they say things like "I love you" or "you're the only girl". These boys spoil us and make us feel so loved, so wanted; like we're the luckiest girl in the world, yet somehow were left broken-hearted... again and again and again. Did you catch that? I hope so. You see, the "good boys" and the "bad boys" both tells us the same things. We have convinced ourselves that we can change the bad boys and that every good guy who says they won't hurt us really means it. Jokes on us. After being deceived and lied to so many times, you kind of just lose hope; so we put all guys into two categories: the bad guys and the good guys; so when the bad guys AND the good guy breaks our heart, we make this conclusion that every guy only wants one thing (our body) and "all guys are the same". We make this our standard, our low, low standard. Since "all guys are the same", we usually go for any guy who is attractive and shows interest in us. I mean, all guys are the same, right? Who can blame us though?

Now, we put the whole male population into two categories; the bad guys and the good guys, but I'm convinced it's not that black and white. Good news for some of you dudes, there's a third category. It's called "the honest, genuine guys" or in easier terms, "men". Good news for you girls, these guys exist. I think us girls have become so focused on this whole good boy/bad boy thing that we shut out all the men. All the guys who are real, who want the same things as you do, who genuinely respect you, your morals and your boundaries, who pay for your coffee, who brag to their friends about you,  who don't just wait 'till your birthday or valentine's day to show you how special you are; the guys who remind you daily what they like about you, the ones who open your car door for you and always make you feel secure in your relationship; the guys who are kind, faithful, selfless, patient, trustworthy, self-controlling. These guys exist. These guys are men.

I was one of those girls who labeled guys as "they're all the same". I have been hurt by the bad boys, the good boys and even the Christian boys. Now I'm not saying those guys didn't genuinely love Jesus, I'm just saying that just because a guy goes to church and listens to worship music, doesn't mean he won't hurt you. LADIES, there is a fine line between Christian boys and Godly men. Don't mix the two up. Anyways, back to what I was saying. A lot of males in my life have proven to be unfaithful and untrustworthy. I've been disappointed numerous times to the point where I truly believed that all guys are the same.

Recently, a guy came into my life and proved to me that all guys aren't the same and real men exist. If I'm being real here, I was so discouraged from my previous experience with guys that I told myself that this one was going to be just like the others. I was soon proven wrong. You know those things I said about a guy being kind, faithful, and selfless? That guy who pays for your coffee, respects you and wants the same things that you do? This guy was more than that. This guy showed me what a real man looks like and proved to me that honest, genuine guys still exist. This guy loves the Lord wholeheartedly and I see that by the way he lives his life. This guy gets lost in God's word daily, he's passionate and giving. He is in constant prayer over the smallest things and is continuously focusing on the good in people.
Things didn't work out with us, and I'm going to put him on the spot when I say this (please forgive me), when he felt like God wasn't making things progress with us, this first thing he did was pray about it. He asked God to make it clear to him what the right thing to do was and not only that, but when God revealed just what that was to him, he prayed that I would understand that he never wanted to hurt me. When he told me all of this, I smiled. Sounds weird, right? This dude just ended things with me and I'm smiling? Hear me out. I think that me reacting in smiling wasn't because I was excited he was ending things, no, not at all, we both weren't excited about it, but because I finally understood that there's this third category. You see, this guy is different from every other guy I've known and the way he responded to things and the way he handled certain situations was extremely encouraging to me. Because of the level of maturity he has, mentally and spiritually, I absolutely trusted every word he said. When he said he never wanted to hurt me, I knew he meant it. And still to this day, he hasn't hurt me. He's stayed true to his word.

I tell you these things for two reasons:

One. Girls, you're going to get hurt, probably more than once. But don't be discouraged. Remember those guys in the third category. These men aren't going to be in abundance. You're not going to find them everywhere. They're rare. But they're worth it. Don't lower your standards. Don't give yourself away to guys who don't see your value. Wait. I know it's hard sometimes, but I promise you that it's so, so worth it. It's easy to be like the other girls, it takes a real woman to stand by her morals, to be an example to other girls that you don't have to give yourself away or show too much skin to be loved. Remember that you're beautiful, loved, accepted, chosen by the God that created you. The only man that should determine your worth is Jesus, am I right ladies!? I'm going to say it again. Don't lower your standards. Don't settle for anything less than what God says you are.

And number two. Men, guys in category number 3, please forgive us girls for friend-zoning you or just not giving you a chance. Remember what I said that most girls are focused on the bad boys/good boys thing that they forget about the men- it's not always that we forget, it's that we just don't believe that there are guys beyond that, even when they're right in front of us. We're weird, we know. I know it's easy to just say, "screw this." and give up on the whole nice guy thing but I mean this when I say, do not change. Do not lower your standards or throw away your morals. Yes, girls may always go for the guys who aren't worth it, we do that, but at the end of the day, we want you. We crave a guy who will love us unconditionally and show us what a real man looks like. When we stop being dumb by going for guys who don't value us, when we come across and guy like you, you will change us completely. We need you guys to remind us that all guys aren't the same. We might put you in that category for a good while, but I promise you that one day we will come to our senses. Nice guys finish last may be true, but in the end, you're going to be happy that it ended up that way. Keep doing you.

Love, me (and most girls)

gofundme.com/freejulie

Two weeks ago, I was admitted into the hospital due to a gnarly cough and a 20% decrease in lung function. My baseline is in the 90's but when I was admitted, it was at 73%. After a week and a half of I.V. antibiotics, four times a day breathing treatments/airway clearance and five days of steroids, my lung function had dropped to 72%; this seems to be a reoccurring thing for me during hospital admissions. My only explanation to this is that as important as I.V. meds and breathing treatments are to improving my lung function, getting fresh air and moving my body is just as vital. When I'm stuck in a hospital room for two weeks, I am given no opportunity to be active like I usually am at home.

After explaining this to the CF team, they decided to let me out with 72% lung function. The plan is to go home, do my treatments four times a day, exercise a lot and then come back in a week to check my lung function again. If my function shows an improvement next week, then we know that the exercise factor is what we were missing. If my lungs show a decline or no change, I'm back in the hospital again.

Before I went home (tuesday morning), they wanted to check my lung function one last time.
Monday morning it was 72.
Tuesday morning I left the hospital with 91% lung function.
And by this we know that Jesus is alive!!

This is what I like to call the power of prayer; the power of saying, "I trust you, Jesus," in response to whatever happens to you. Understand that it is nearly impossible to have my lung function improve by 20% over night; also understand that God is so beyond capable of doing far beyond all that we ask or imagine. He makes what seems impossible, possible. 

//

During this admission, my mom had started a gofundme account to start raising a little money towards my hospital stays.  Living 45 minutes away from Stanford requires quite a bit of gas and it's becomes costly to feed me outside food. Hospital food is limited and often soggy or bland. The hardest part of these frequent hospital stays is that I am stuck in isolation- which means that I am not allowed to leave my tiny little room. Spending weeks upon weeks in what feels like solitary confinement isn't always easy. Starting this gofundme account has allowed my mom to help provide for me and make these long days in the hospital a little easier.

Unsure of what was to come, we decided to give it a shot; giving this whole account, this whole idea over to God- trusting in His provision.
In just ten short hours, we had already raised $1,000. I couldn't believe it. It was only day one and God was already doing immeasurable things through this account.
I think this gofundme thing goes farther than just the money. I was forced to give up complete control to Jesus and I was taught that it's okay to accept money/gifts from other people- something I have struggled with doing for the past few years. Giving comes fairly easy to me, it brings me joy to bring others joy. Receiving on the other hand is something I am uncomfortable with. The thing is, when a friend doesn't let me buy them coffee when I willingly offer or I just want to do something for someone without anything in return, I get extremely irritated and offended when they resist or say no. Yet, when someone does something for me, my response is the same. Funny how that works.

If receiving wasn't already uncomfortable enough, the majority of the people who gave are ones I'm not really close with. I ask myself, "why". why would someone do this for me? They don't even know me. Still, I don't know why. Everything about this experience has left me speechless, uncomfortable, yet humbled my heart completely. I am constantly amazed by Jesus and the ways He unexpectedly and abundantly blesses my life. Thank you friends and strangers for making me feel so incredibly loved and making these hospital stay and continuous fight against Cystic Fibrosis just a little easier for me and my family. Thank you for helping raise awareness for CF by supporting me and this disease. I can't begin to express how grateful I am. Know that I pray for you all everyday, asking Jesus to extend your money this month.

"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for MORE, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." // Luke 6:38

help support my fight against cystic fibrosis by donating here // "For this sickness will not lead to death but to God's glory." // John 11:4

do you ever think about...

Do you ever think about how a country 11,000 miles away from you sees the exact same sun and moon as you?
Do you ever think about the ocean; how its waves know just how far to come onto shore?
How gravity allows an 875,000 pound airplane to travel 39,000 feet up in the sky or how this same plane knows exactly where to land; no street signs or landmarks.
How swallowing involves more than 30 different muscles in and around your throat that take action in less than one second.
How you just breathe and blink without thinking about it.
How you could hear a song you haven't listened to for 8 years and remember every lyric or how there are 7 billion people in the world and not one shares the same finger print or tongue print as you?
How you lived and grew inside of someone else's body for 9 months?
How not one snowflake is alike?
Do you ever think about those who are breathing with someone else's recycled lungs or how your brain holds approximately 1,000 gigabytes of information?
How you can see someone face to face or hear someone's voice across the country through a little device?
How a fish can breathe under water without coming up for air or how a long, skinny snake can eat a rat completely whole.
Have you ever looked at the tiny, intricate details of a butterfly; how each wing is identical?
How we can see a star shining from 25 trillion miles away.
How you can sleep for hours and hours, eyes closed, unaware of what's around you, but your body still knows to breathe? 
How the same cup of coffee tastes good to one person but terrible to someone else.
Do you ever think of the fact that a 600,000 ton ship can float on top of the water and not sink?
Or how we all came from Adam and Eve, yet we all look completely different; how we're all of different ethnicities?
How investigators can find find out who committed the crime by just a strand of hair or a half of a finger print?
How you breathe and swallow from the same mouth yet your food and drink go down one pipe and you breathe out of the other.
Do you ever look at the details of the mountains or how the clouds set perfectly atop the hills?
How the leaves on the trees know exactly when to change colors, when to grow, when to fall.
How all the skin on your body is in one whole piece, there are no seams.
How both the sun and the moon know when to rise and when to fall or how the earth is in constant motion yet we don't feel a thing.
Do you ever think about just how ridiculously complex this life is?

Do you ever think about how God spoke this whole ridiculously complex universe into motion?
Do you ever think about how this man named Jesus was given 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people?
How He made blind men see and the paralyzed walk?
How He parted a sea so people could walk through to the other side?
How He brought dead men to life and by the touch of a hand, made the deaf hear again or how He calmed the storms with His voice?
Do ever think how this man was brutally murdered on a cross, was placed behind a tomb stone and rose from the dead three days later?
Do you ever think about Heaven; this place empty of death, sickness, sin, pain, hurt and tears.

Do you ever think about how the very same man who made all this possible is the same God who calls you by name? Who knows just how many hairs are on your head. Who knows when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Who knows your every thought, every action. The same God who knows the day of your first breath and the very second of your last. Who has every single day of your life planned out and knows all of your strengths and weaknesses. Do you ever think about this man not only hears you when you speak but responds to you?

Do you understand that the very same man who makes this all possible is absolutely crazy in love with you?

"why me, God?"

I feel like even when we wholeheartedly trust Jesus with our life, even when we understand His immeasurable love for us, even when we remind ourselves that His plan for our life is beyond greater than what we picture for ourselves, even when we know His promises to be truth, we still find ourselves asking the question, "why me, God?"

We reflect on our lives and make mental lists in our heads of all the good things we have done. From going on that mission trip in Africa, to honoring our parents, to volunteering at every church event,.. the list goes on and on. We give ourselves the title, "good person". So, when things don't go as expected, when pain, loss and heartache creep into our lives right when we get comfortable, we start saying things like "why me, God?", "what did I do to deserve this?", "I don't get it." We tend to focus our attention on ourselves and our faithfulness to God, when instead we should be focusing on Jesus and His goodness, His faithfulness to us. We were never promised a life free of suffering but we were promised a God who works all things for the good of those who love Him. 

There's one thing we really need to understand and hold onto when we are faced with suffering and that is, this life is so, so temporary. 

In Luke chapter 16, we're given two characters, a rich man and a beggar named Lazarus. Now, I want to share this story with you because I feel that in just these ten, short verses, God reveals to us just how temporary this life truly is as He paints for us four different pictures- a man who lives an abundant life full of wealth and a man who lives in pain, sickness and poverty. A life in Heaven and life in Hell.

“There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.  At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades (Hell), where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'" // Luke 16:19-28

We aren't given every detail about each man. Maybe the rich man was selfish, maybe he gave freely to Lazarus, we don't know. But what we do know is that whether selfish or selfless, works don't promise you a life in Heaven, this man lived a life empty of Jesus. 

We don't know what Lazarus woke up thinking every day. Maybe he learned to be content with the life he was given, maybe he cried himself to sleep every night asking, "why me, God?", but we do know that Lazarus knew Jesus and knew what a life after death looked like for him. 

This rich man lived what it seemed to be good life. When he died, his money, his fancy clothes, all of his stuff that he held so tightly in his life didn't go with him. You see this man desperately crying out from this place of complete torment asking for someone to come and relieve him of his pain. When he realizes that this was now his life for eternity, he begs God to send Lazarus to his family to warn them so they don't end up where he did. 

Then you see Lazarus, a beggar who spent his life in poverty, in sickness and in pain. Lazarus had nothing. He spent his life watching this man live this luxurious life as he sat outside the gates of his house desperate for food. Then Lazarus dies and he's taken to Heaven where he is comforted. He is no longer hungry or in pain. His sores are gone, he has entered this perfect place he gets to call home for the rest of eternity.  

I read this story and I think about this life. I think of those who are in the midst of some hard, hard stuff right now. The ones who wake up one morning and there dad is gone or their mom was just diagnosed with cancer. I think of those who discover their dad has been having an affair or is struggling with an addiction to alcohol. I think of those who find themselves stuck in abusive relationships or those who struggle with depression. I think of the ones who go to bed every night asking, "why me, God?" 

I know what it's like to live a life full of pain, full of confusion and suffering. I know those days where you just don't get it. Today, I woke up, another morning in a hospital bed. I woke up hoping that my lung function would show an improvement from last week (76%) and that I would be able to go to sleep in my own bed tonight. I was so hopeful. I feel good, my lungs sound good, my brutal cough has gone away, I've been on IV antibiotics for a week, I've done four treatments a day since I came in the hospital last Tuesday,... there was no doubt in my mind that my lung function had improved, that I was over this cold and I was going to go home to my puppy tonight. Well, I'm here, blogging from my hospital bed. I found out that my small airways are at 34% and my overall lung function dropped from 76% to 68%. Today was one of those, "why me, God?" days. 

I tell you these things because I want you to know that I get it. This life, it's hard. It's so, so incredibly hard. And I wish that things we're different sometimes. I wish that I could tell you why you're hurting right now. "Not being able to understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of understanding." -Francis Chan. The thing is, we're not going to get it. We're not always going to have the answers. Sometimes we're going to get answers that we don't want. We're going to hurt. We're going to have days where we say, "why me, God?". That's okay. God gets it. That's the coolest thing about suffering. God gets it. We're not alone. We've got a God who understands suffering more than anyone in this world and that same God knows  what happens next when we don't. I love that. 

I'm going to tell you again, this life is so, so temporary. The pain you're feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. Next time you ask, "why me, God?", open your Bible to Luke 16. Remind yourself that you might be suffering now, but it's only temporary. 

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 //

When you have a relationship with Jesus, you're promised eternal life in Heaven that is nothing compared to anything that we encounter here on Earth. Take hold of His promises and fix your eyes on eternity. Death is an upgrade. 

"‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children."

 Take heart, it's only temporary.