this one is for the bad boys, the good boys, and the men

Dear men, (ladies, you're welcome to read this one too)

      First off, I want to apologize on behalf of us girls for labeling all you males as "all guys are the same". The thing is, us girls have been continuously hurt by you guys. The bad boys tell us that were beautiful, that they will never hurt us; they say things like "I love you" or "you're the only girl". These boys spoil us and make us feel so loved, so wanted; like we're the luckiest girl in the world, yet somehow we're left broken-hearted... again and again and again. Then there's the good boys (so we've been told) who tell us that were beautiful, that they will never hurt us; they say things like "I love you" or "you're the only girl". These boys spoil us and make us feel so loved, so wanted; like we're the luckiest girl in the world, yet somehow were left broken-hearted... again and again and again. Did you catch that? I hope so. You see, the "good boys" and the "bad boys" both tells us the same things. We have convinced ourselves that we can change the bad boys and that every good guy who says they won't hurt us really means it. Jokes on us. After being deceived and lied to so many times, you kind of just lose hope; so we put all guys into two categories: the bad guys and the good guys; so when the bad guys AND the good guy breaks our heart, we make this conclusion that every guy only wants one thing (our body) and "all guys are the same". We make this our standard, our low, low standard. Since "all guys are the same", we usually go for any guy who is attractive and shows interest in us. I mean, all guys are the same, right? Who can blame us though?

Now, we put the whole male population into two categories; the bad guys and the good guys, but I'm convinced it's not that black and white. Good news for some of you dudes, there's a third category. It's called "the honest, genuine guys" or in easier terms, "men". Good news for you girls, these guys exist. I think us girls have become so focused on this whole good boy/bad boy thing that we shut out all the men. All the guys who are real, who want the same things as you do, who genuinely respect you, your morals and your boundaries, who pay for your coffee, who brag to their friends about you,  who don't just wait 'till your birthday or valentine's day to show you how special you are; the guys who remind you daily what they like about you, the ones who open your car door for you and always make you feel secure in your relationship; the guys who are kind, faithful, selfless, patient, trustworthy, self-controlling. These guys exist. These guys are men.

I was one of those girls who labeled guys as "they're all the same". I have been hurt by the bad boys, the good boys and even the Christian boys. Now I'm not saying those guys didn't genuinely love Jesus, I'm just saying that just because a guy goes to church and listens to worship music, doesn't mean he won't hurt you. LADIES, there is a fine line between Christian boys and Godly men. Don't mix the two up. Anyways, back to what I was saying. A lot of males in my life have proven to be unfaithful and untrustworthy. I've been disappointed numerous times to the point where I truly believed that all guys are the same.

Recently, a guy came into my life and proved to me that all guys aren't the same and real men exist. If I'm being real here, I was so discouraged from my previous experience with guys that I told myself that this one was going to be just like the others. I was soon proven wrong. You know those things I said about a guy being kind, faithful, and selfless? That guy who pays for your coffee, respects you and wants the same things that you do? This guy was more than that. This guy showed me what a real man looks like and proved to me that honest, genuine guys still exist. This guy loves the Lord wholeheartedly and I see that by the way he lives his life. This guy gets lost in God's word daily, he's passionate and giving. He is in constant prayer over the smallest things and is continuously focusing on the good in people.
Things didn't work out with us, and I'm going to put him on the spot when I say this (please forgive me), when he felt like God wasn't making things progress with us, this first thing he did was pray about it. He asked God to make it clear to him what the right thing to do was and not only that, but when God revealed just what that was to him, he prayed that I would understand that he never wanted to hurt me. When he told me all of this, I smiled. Sounds weird, right? This dude just ended things with me and I'm smiling? Hear me out. I think that me reacting in smiling wasn't because I was excited he was ending things, no, not at all, we both weren't excited about it, but because I finally understood that there's this third category. You see, this guy is different from every other guy I've known and the way he responded to things and the way he handled certain situations was extremely encouraging to me. Because of the level of maturity he has, mentally and spiritually, I absolutely trusted every word he said. When he said he never wanted to hurt me, I knew he meant it. And still to this day, he hasn't hurt me. He's stayed true to his word.

I tell you these things for two reasons:

One. Girls, you're going to get hurt, probably more than once. But don't be discouraged. Remember those guys in the third category. These men aren't going to be in abundance. You're not going to find them everywhere. They're rare. But they're worth it. Don't lower your standards. Don't give yourself away to guys who don't see your value. Wait. I know it's hard sometimes, but I promise you that it's so, so worth it. It's easy to be like the other girls, it takes a real woman to stand by her morals, to be an example to other girls that you don't have to give yourself away or show too much skin to be loved. Remember that you're beautiful, loved, accepted, chosen by the God that created you. The only man that should determine your worth is Jesus, am I right ladies!? I'm going to say it again. Don't lower your standards. Don't settle for anything less than what God says you are.

And number two. Men, guys in category number 3, please forgive us girls for friend-zoning you or just not giving you a chance. Remember what I said that most girls are focused on the bad boys/good boys thing that they forget about the men- it's not always that we forget, it's that we just don't believe that there are guys beyond that, even when they're right in front of us. We're weird, we know. I know it's easy to just say, "screw this." and give up on the whole nice guy thing but I mean this when I say, do not change. Do not lower your standards or throw away your morals. Yes, girls may always go for the guys who aren't worth it, we do that, but at the end of the day, we want you. We crave a guy who will love us unconditionally and show us what a real man looks like. When we stop being dumb by going for guys who don't value us, when we come across and guy like you, you will change us completely. We need you guys to remind us that all guys aren't the same. We might put you in that category for a good while, but I promise you that one day we will come to our senses. Nice guys finish last may be true, but in the end, you're going to be happy that it ended up that way. Keep doing you.

Love, me (and most girls)