"why me, God?"

I feel like even when we wholeheartedly trust Jesus with our life, even when we understand His immeasurable love for us, even when we remind ourselves that His plan for our life is beyond greater than what we picture for ourselves, even when we know His promises to be truth, we still find ourselves asking the question, "why me, God?"

We reflect on our lives and make mental lists in our heads of all the good things we have done. From going on that mission trip in Africa, to honoring our parents, to volunteering at every church event,.. the list goes on and on. We give ourselves the title, "good person". So, when things don't go as expected, when pain, loss and heartache creep into our lives right when we get comfortable, we start saying things like "why me, God?", "what did I do to deserve this?", "I don't get it." We tend to focus our attention on ourselves and our faithfulness to God, when instead we should be focusing on Jesus and His goodness, His faithfulness to us. We were never promised a life free of suffering but we were promised a God who works all things for the good of those who love Him. 

There's one thing we really need to understand and hold onto when we are faced with suffering and that is, this life is so, so temporary. 

In Luke chapter 16, we're given two characters, a rich man and a beggar named Lazarus. Now, I want to share this story with you because I feel that in just these ten, short verses, God reveals to us just how temporary this life truly is as He paints for us four different pictures- a man who lives an abundant life full of wealth and a man who lives in pain, sickness and poverty. A life in Heaven and life in Hell.

“There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.  At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades (Hell), where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'" // Luke 16:19-28

We aren't given every detail about each man. Maybe the rich man was selfish, maybe he gave freely to Lazarus, we don't know. But what we do know is that whether selfish or selfless, works don't promise you a life in Heaven, this man lived a life empty of Jesus. 

We don't know what Lazarus woke up thinking every day. Maybe he learned to be content with the life he was given, maybe he cried himself to sleep every night asking, "why me, God?", but we do know that Lazarus knew Jesus and knew what a life after death looked like for him. 

This rich man lived what it seemed to be good life. When he died, his money, his fancy clothes, all of his stuff that he held so tightly in his life didn't go with him. You see this man desperately crying out from this place of complete torment asking for someone to come and relieve him of his pain. When he realizes that this was now his life for eternity, he begs God to send Lazarus to his family to warn them so they don't end up where he did. 

Then you see Lazarus, a beggar who spent his life in poverty, in sickness and in pain. Lazarus had nothing. He spent his life watching this man live this luxurious life as he sat outside the gates of his house desperate for food. Then Lazarus dies and he's taken to Heaven where he is comforted. He is no longer hungry or in pain. His sores are gone, he has entered this perfect place he gets to call home for the rest of eternity.  

I read this story and I think about this life. I think of those who are in the midst of some hard, hard stuff right now. The ones who wake up one morning and there dad is gone or their mom was just diagnosed with cancer. I think of those who discover their dad has been having an affair or is struggling with an addiction to alcohol. I think of those who find themselves stuck in abusive relationships or those who struggle with depression. I think of the ones who go to bed every night asking, "why me, God?" 

I know what it's like to live a life full of pain, full of confusion and suffering. I know those days where you just don't get it. Today, I woke up, another morning in a hospital bed. I woke up hoping that my lung function would show an improvement from last week (76%) and that I would be able to go to sleep in my own bed tonight. I was so hopeful. I feel good, my lungs sound good, my brutal cough has gone away, I've been on IV antibiotics for a week, I've done four treatments a day since I came in the hospital last Tuesday,... there was no doubt in my mind that my lung function had improved, that I was over this cold and I was going to go home to my puppy tonight. Well, I'm here, blogging from my hospital bed. I found out that my small airways are at 34% and my overall lung function dropped from 76% to 68%. Today was one of those, "why me, God?" days. 

I tell you these things because I want you to know that I get it. This life, it's hard. It's so, so incredibly hard. And I wish that things we're different sometimes. I wish that I could tell you why you're hurting right now. "Not being able to understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of understanding." -Francis Chan. The thing is, we're not going to get it. We're not always going to have the answers. Sometimes we're going to get answers that we don't want. We're going to hurt. We're going to have days where we say, "why me, God?". That's okay. God gets it. That's the coolest thing about suffering. God gets it. We're not alone. We've got a God who understands suffering more than anyone in this world and that same God knows  what happens next when we don't. I love that. 

I'm going to tell you again, this life is so, so temporary. The pain you're feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. Next time you ask, "why me, God?", open your Bible to Luke 16. Remind yourself that you might be suffering now, but it's only temporary. 

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 //

When you have a relationship with Jesus, you're promised eternal life in Heaven that is nothing compared to anything that we encounter here on Earth. Take hold of His promises and fix your eyes on eternity. Death is an upgrade. 

"‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children."

 Take heart, it's only temporary.