friendship is important

| Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17 | 

During these past few days, I've asked a few of my friends what they want to hear about in my blogs. I've gotten topics like full dependance on God, complete surrender, more on cystic fibrosis,... all super important topics that I'd be happy to share about. But two responses I got today really tugged on my heart. 

One of my closest friends, Liv, is currently in Bali right now serving Jesus with YWAM. This girl lives life to the full. Liv has been gone for almost five months now traveling from Australia to Papau New Guinea to East Timor to Bali just learning how to be God's hands and feet. She comes home in December and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be reunited with her!! Her heart is so big, her life is the proof of God's love, her love for others is ridiculous, her smile, oh her smile, it's contagious... I can go on for days about this special friend of mine. She is just an overall joy and blessing in my life and I'm so incredibly thankful for her friendship. I miss her excessively but God is working measures in her life right now and using her daily to help the lost get found. I couldn't be more proud of her and her selfless heart and her complete dependance on Christ in every area of her life. Well, the reason I mention Liv is because today I texted her and asked her what I should write about in my blog tonight and this was her response:

"OH OH ASK JESUS. LIKE LITERALLY CLOSE YOUR EYES ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO SAY AND WAIT. HE WILL TELL YOU :)" 

...WHO SAYS THAT?! this girl. always putting Jesus first. I love it. I love her. I love her responses to things and how she's always speaking wisdom to me. 

So I did it. I closed my eyes and I asked Jesus what He wanted me to blog about tonight. I wasn't given an answer right away but about fifteen minutes after I stopped praying, I received a text from my sweet friend Haley, who lives in Louisiana and also has cystic fibrosis, responding to my previous question of "what should I blog about?".. and through her, Jesus made it clear to me what to write about. 

This is what she said: 

"Maybe about the importance of friends to help you get better.. That's one thing I've noticed is different with you, which is awesome! It makes me a little jealous! My hospital is 4 hours away from my friends, so I never have friends come visit me.. That's hard. That's why I always get depressed. I actually just recently got off of depression meds."  

My heart was immediately filled with gratitude. If I'm real here, I never fully understood how much my friends love me, how blessed I am to have such constant friends and how important these friendships are. 

When I'm in the hospital, I have countless amounts of visitors and texts messages from all of the incredible people in my life. I'm constantly encourged and loved on by so many people that I don't know what to do with myself. It's humbling. It's a life bringing experience. Having been told that I have to spend my Thanksgiving in a hospital room this year and having been told that my lung function isn't increasing with two weeks of instensive treatments is something no one wants to hear. Even though I always post about how God's plan is perfect and I'll praise Him through the hard and the happy, my heart is heavy sometimes and I am just so exhausted. Worn, confused and exhausted. Cystic fibrosis is exhausting and I want to be home. I don't want to be confined to a hospital room. Sometimes I am bitter and sometimes I just cry to Jesus. Even though I know who holds my future, I still seem to be scared sometimes. Not knowing what tomorrow holds and what my lung function will be like in a year from now is such a scary thing to me but I'm slowly learning to give that piece fully to Jesus. I trust Him, but it's that complete surrender part that's tough sometimes. 

Anyways, during these hospital stays, I am reminded of how loved I am and Haley helped me realized just how important friendships are. I didn't even know that what I have is so rare, so special. I know that I wouldn't be in the good health I'm in, I wouldn't make it through these hospital stays and I would be missing a whole lot of joy and laughter without my friends and their constant support and encouragement. 

Selfishly, I think of how much of a social life I have while I'm in the hospital and how much or how little of a social life I have at home and I think to myself "People only want to be my friend when I'm sick or in the hospital. When I'm home and healthy, half of these people don't invest half the time they do on me while I'm admitted. Is this a pity party? please tell me it isn't. Do these people reallllly love me?" Satan just takes over my brain and tries to convince me that I'm not TRULY loved.

Today, I got it. I know full well that the friends that visit me in the hospital and text me and comment sweet things on my Instagram posts really love me. For me. Not because they feel bad for me, but because they love me and care deeply about me. No one would drive 45 minutes across town just to sit in a hospital room with someone for hours if they didn't love me. No one would spend their short amount of time home from college in a hospital room if they didn't love me. No one would sleep on an uncomfortable plastic mattress, listening to me cough all night in the hospital if they didn't love me. These friends choose me with their time. and for that, I know I'm loved and I'm eternally grateful for that. 

Don't mistake me, I'm not here to brag about how loved I am or how many friends I have, I'm here to tell you that it's so easy to believe you're not worth it. it's so easy to take friends for granted. it's so easy to not realize just how blessed you really are. I know that all too well. But sometimes we need a hospital stay or breakup or a hard time in our life to realize the greatness of His love and mercy. To realize who is there for you because they love you and not because they pity you. To realize the abundant amount of blessings we are given each day. 

Thanksgiving is just in four days and I'm here to say that I'm so thankful for the gift of friendship and to thank Jesus for giving me such a solid group of friends in my life who are continuously praying for me, encourging me and going out of their  way to let me know I'm cared for. Not everyone gets that. These friends push me to do my my treaments when I'm tired, they remind me that God's plan is bigger than my own, they remind me that joy is found in the messy days and they are reminders to me of God's love for me. I love doing life with you all. Thanks for making the fight a little easier :)