strangely answered prayers

This past weekend I layed snuggled up in bed with a 100.4 fever, a brutal cough, countless cups of hot tea, and grey's anatomy on netflix. I think I caught a little bug from someone. Not fun.

The difference between me catching a small bug like a cold or the flu is that you take some vitamins, spend a few yucky days in bed and then you're all better. When I catch a bug, I'm usually admitted in the hospital for a week or more. When flu season comes around, I have to be extremely vigilant on staying away from the stuffy noses and sneezes because my body doesn't process small viruses like you do. My lung function decreases and when my lung function decreases, it's a fight to get it back up. 

"Good lung function" for a person with cf (cystic fibrosis) is anywhere from 80%-115%. On average, a person with cf's lung function drops 2-4% per year. That may not seem like a lot but it all adds up- and quickly. 

So, Monday afternoon I was admitted to the hospital. It was very much a surprise to me because my lung function was 91% before I was sick and after it was 83%. I was expecting it to be in the 70's, but it wasn't. I was so happy because 83% isn't bad news, I did think I'd have to be admitted. Well, my doctor disagreed with me. 

To be completely real here, I was so angry. I don't have time to miss classes. I have a huge biology presentation due next week, finals are just around the corner and putting college aside, I am fine. I don't need to be in the hospital. This is pointless. If they need to give me iv antiobiotics then I could do it at home. If they need to increase my treatments to four times a day instead of two, I could do that at home too. Why am I even here?

These past few months I've been praying daily for motivation, for focus, for a push. I'll go weeks keeping up with my treatments and meds and staying on top of my cystic fibrosis... and then I'll lose motivation and I'll go days without doing my treatments. I just get lazy and keeping up with my treaments all the time gets tiring. Sometimes I just need a break. The problem is with cf, there's no room for "breaks". Everyday is a fight. You may feel fine and look fine but missing treatments makes a huge impact on your health. You don't feel like it makes a difference but mucus builds up in the lungs, bacteria increases and lung function decreases. You just don't feel the affects right away and that's what's deceiving. You convince yourself that since you feel fine and look fine, you're fine, right? Unfortunately, cystic fibrosis doesn't work that way. It's an invisible disease. It's so easy to miss treatments and lose motivation sometimes. 

On top of having little motivation to keep up with my treatments, halfway through the quarter I lose motivation to keep up with my work. College is great, I love it. But, the work load is heavy and if you procrastinate, you get yourself into a hole and it's a little bit of a struggle to get out of it. You would think years of procrastination would teach me to not procrastinate but it didn't. I think we've all been there. Anyways, as you can see, I lose motivation easily- in multiple areas of my life. 

So, I started praying for a push. 

Right when I was 7 chapters behind on my book for my read 211 class, right when I realized I have a 15 minute presentation due in biology in a week, right when I started not going to the gym and missing a few treatments here and there, I was put in the hospital. 

Today, as I was doing my homework while I was doing my vest (a device used for airway clearance) and my breathing treaments, I got it. I realized why I am in the hospital. I've been praying for motivation, dedication and focus and Jesus revealed that to me. This isn't the first time He's done this. He knows that being confined in a hospital room with nothing to do, no where to go, little to distract me, I would have to focus on my health and my schoolwork. He's right. I mean, I wasn't thinking a hospital stay as an answer to my prayers, but God works in weird ways. He knows me better than I know myself. His plan might not make sense to me but it sure is better than anything I plan for myself and He is constantly reminding me of this. 

I love that about God. He is always surprising me. He is always answering my prayers in the most bizarre ways. He's always confirming with me that He's for me and not against me. Some may see being in the hospital as a punishment or something negative, but I see this as time for me to focus. Focus on Jesus, focus on school, focus on my health. No distractions, just focus. 

Sometimes blessings comes through raindrops. Sometimes the trials of this life are His mercies in disguise. 

Today I'm grateful for oddly answered prayers and a God who works everything together for my good. 

"My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart... He is mine forever." // Psalm 73:26